I am Christian

When I say that “I am a Christian”, I am not shouting that I am clean living.
I’m whispering “I was lost, but now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say “I am a Christian” I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say “I am a Christian” I still fell the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartache, so I call upon His name.

When I say “I am a Christian” I’m not holier that thou.
I’m just a simple sinner who received God’s good grace, somehow!

JICF, May 30th, 2010

How can I not love you

Listen. I sing this song for you.

Cannot touch
Cannot hold
Cannot be together

Cannot love
Cannot kiss
Cannot have each other

Must be strong,
And we must let go
Cannot say
What our hearts must know
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

Cannot dream
Cannot share
Sweet and tender moments

Cannot feel
How we feel
Must pretend it’s over

Must be brave,
And we must go on
Must not say,
What we’ve known all along

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone
How can I not love you..

[[Musical Interlude]]

Must be brave,
And we must be strong
Cannot say,
What we’ve known all along.

How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms

How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone

How can I not love you..
When you are you gone….

I am so gonna miss you…

Will you marry me?

Dudu got married with a German!
I never knew her well, but we were doing ministry together back then when we were still in college. She is not a conservative type, you can tell. But I never guess she would marry foreigner. Her face book status rose questions in my head. Alas! I am just a human, I think more of negative side than positive. I know nothing about her husband yet I think that he is not a true Christian. Ah, forgive me Lord for I’m sinful with my prejudice. Anyway, It dragged my attention, on how one should find her love. One of the ways, maybe perhaps by having holiday in Bali. hahaha… 😀 nice try Len! (I know you only find excuses to got there ;p)

Inge got married with a Catholic!!
A perfect woman. Born in a well family, went to one of the best college in Jakarta and went to another degree in England. To top it up, through scholarship!! She is a posh. And she is a very truly devoted Christian. Last Friday, she got married with a Catholic. We never doubted her choice. But It tickled me… perhaps I should open my heart to Catholic people as well? After all, they do believe with their heart and confess with the mouth that Jesus is the risen savior. How about it?

Sondang got married with a man!!!
Yes, with a man. She once said to me (or to us?) who questioned her relationship with this man, simply… “As long as he is a man and he wants me to be his wife. Then it’s okay for me.” BIG GULP! Hearing her sentences, I directly condemn her as a non believer. Woe you Lenti! Who are you to judge! Well, she practiced lustful dates with her previous boyfriend. So when she was forced to get a husband (get? as in, man is jar of pickles that you can get in the nearest circle K, huh?) … It was no surprised with her reasons. This is the furthest I can go. But, I can’t help wondering and asking to myself. Are you ready being forever single then married with less Christian guy. After all, Sondang and her husband are Christian by ID.

To top these all, I met Ika and her husband and her 7 months old baby and I also met Kak Motik with her husband and Yung-yung and Ting-ting. Seeing them my heart was punching and beating. It kept telling me find boyfriend-get married-have babies-build family-be prosper…. over and over again.

I looked in the mirror and asked myself. When will be our turn? Meet someone who loves us, fight for us, respect us, ask us to get married, build family together, have babies and be prosper. [people would definitely agree if I ended this piece with saying “And while we wait, let us be a precious person worth to fight for.] But, hey this is my blog, I want to end it with a word or two.

When, Lord?

are you a reason, a season, or a lifetime?

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

taken from my friend’s blog http://ludugove.blogspot.com/ thanks for sharing Fina! 🙂

Let’s DANCE!

When I meditated on the word guidance,
I kept seeing “dance” at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right; the movement doesn’t flow with the music.
When one person realizes that, and let’s the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.
It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word guidance.
When I saw “G”: I thought of God, followed by “u” and “I”.
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

JICF, May 9, 2010.
Let’s dance!

A pilgrim through this barren land

Lord, I prayed and you answered me.
Lord, I asked and you gave me.
Lord, I cried and you wept my tears away.

But how come it is so hard for me to follow Thy words?
How come it is so frustrating to choose Thy ways?
How come it is bone cracking to step in Thy steps?

….somewhere in my distress, a song passed my head. Thank you for making me remember this song. I love you Lord, and I will do as You ask me to do. Sing my heart and be glad for Him!

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
[or Guide me, O Thou great Redeemer…]
Pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but Thou art mighty;
Hold me with Thy powerful hand.
Bread of Heaven, Bread of Heaven,
Feed me till I want no more;
Feed me till I want no more.

Open now the crystal fountain,
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
Let the fire and cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through.
Strong Deliverer, strong Deliverer,
Be Thou still my Strength and Shield;
Be Thou still my Strength and Shield.

Lord, I trust Thy mighty power,
Wondrous are Thy works of old;
Thou deliver’st Thine from thralldom,
Who for naught themselves had sold:
Thou didst conquer, Thou didst conquer,
Sin, and Satan and the grave,
Sin, and Satan and the grave.

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fears subside;
Death of deaths, and hell’s destruction,
Land me safe on Canaan’s side.
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to Thee;
I will ever give to Thee.

Musing on my habitation,
Musing on my heav’nly home,
Fills my soul with holy longings:
Come, my Jesus, quickly come;
Vanity is all I see;
Lord, I long to be with Thee!
Lord, I long to be with Thee!

My Name Is Khan

My name is Khan-a movie

The last thing on my mind before watching this movie is to write something about it. My name is Khan is a movie played around theaters in Jakarta today. It is my very last choice of movie. So this evening when a friend of mine asked me to go to the movie, I reluctantly choose this movie.

If you were like me, you will have no expectation at all of this movie. Opened with a very Indian music, you can only prepare yourself to see dancing scenes between the trees. It turned out to be something extraordinarily different. I was shocked to see Indian movie stars acted THAT good.

Tears were starting to swelling on my eyes when Shah Rukh Khan said about a different condition that he suffers. Boy, if i had knew before, I would never dared myself to sit and watch this movie. I have some soft spots and this is one of them.

True, I spent the rest of 2.5 hours (approx) crying. Thinking how lucky I am having all of these in my live and how unlucky I am failed to see all these that I have given by God. I reflex and ponder and when the movie ended i decided to be a better person.

Did you know that this was actually drafted on April 08, 2010? quite sometime to write, eh? I cannot remember the details of this movie. you can just google it. One thing i want you to know is that you need to open your heart when you watch, ponder and reflex, just like i did. Then it would not be just a movie. It will be something that help you to be a better person.

Happy watching 🙂

Things I’ve Learned This Week

# I learned to see something more detailed. yeah, it looks like I’m not detail enough..hmm..

# I learned to apply God’s words in my daily lives. Sometimes I really did it, but often I failed. But at least, I tried.

# I learned to be a supportive friend. It really needs some amount of self sacrifice and lots of smiles.

# I learned to be thankful for a family that I have. They are really great. I never notice this until my cousin’s wedding.

# I learned that my sister is a very dominant person. And so does my eldest brother. I wonder what home was like when they were still living under the same roof. Poor mama ;p

# I noticed that Robert Downey Jr. is a true super cool handsome bad boy. And I am in love with him. hehe..

# I learned to have empathy with my best friend, Ria. Yup, falling in love sometime sucks. Especially when he does not love me/us back.

# I knew now, how to send pictures with my Black Berry, even though I still don’t know how to rotate the pictures permanently.

# I learned to be a comforter. I am not really sure I was succeed though.

# I learned that life is celebrated when you die. I learned from Kak Ihut’s death. She was so loved that everybody is willing to come after a very tiring middle week day, just to take a last look of our dear friend who had touched our heart so deeply.

# I learned to tell the truth more rather than avoiding it. hehe…to some people, I found it’s so hard to tell the truth.

# I also learned to hide some unnecessary truth.

# I learned by heart, that some things just can’t be changed. And you cannot do anything about that.

# I should remember that Liang Teh is not available in every dining place. ya iyalahh…

…and so much more, I’ll try to add more when I can recall ;p