Vallaura's Blog

"Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted."

Gifts

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I like gifts. I like accepting them. I like the surprises and possibilities gifts could give. It is just… exciting and thrilling.

I also like giving gifts. I like thinking of something that someone might like receiving them. I like wrapping gifts and putting up some confetti to make them prettier. I like seeing people surprised and excited in opening the gifts.

Well, recently I put more thought about gifts.

Some time ago, I gave a cellphone to my Dad. It’s not really a gift actually. I just cannot bear listening to him complaining about his cellphone while I’m having three on my two hands. So, I gave one to him. I never kept a track of my gifts, and this one also. But since he is living with me on weekends, I can see the cellphone laying any where in the house. Until I saw it, not laying around, but on ear, not my Dad’s, my housemaid’s. Suddenly, everything seemed not right. I had the urge to confiscate that cellphone from her and claimed it to be mine. Then I realized that it’s not mine. It’s my Dad’s. And how he was using it, was totally his free will. Even if his free will was against my will.

So I glanced to some items on my side bed desk, ashocking-pink wallet, a blazing gold-colored watch, a silver that-might-tear-any-clothes butterfly brooch, and a pair of formal design-for-giving-signature pens. They were all nice and happily gifted for me. I was glad they were given to me. But somehow, they were not “me”. There was something in them that just not right with me. I noticed that when I finally decided to wear the watch. doh! I felt awkward. For me, it was too big, too gold-ish, too blazing. I had never in confident wearing it. So, I was thinking to gift them away. They were all still in the packages. Why not?

Well… what do you think?

For me, I slapped aside that thought from my mind, thinking, would I want others to do the same thing with all the gifts that you gave? Definitely not, right?

Sadly, I buried the thought of giving them away. I realized the fact that they will in most of their existence stay on my desk not doing what it was created to do. No money and cards for a brightly colored wallet, no soft skinned wrist for a fashion watch, no elegant gown for a wanting to fly butterfly brooch, and no strong grip for those macho pens. They will just there without fulfilling their purposes, forgotten talents and beauty.

I thought more about these gifts things.

My mind wandered to God who had gave me a lot of talents and hidden beauty. I realized that sometimes I disrespect His gifts. Unthankful, I claimed them to be mine and forgot the Giver. Through my sinful-in-nature free will, I misused them. I let others using my talents for their personal gains. As if, I don’t know the feeling seeing the things that we gifted away misused. As if, I don’t know that my wrong-directed free will against the Giver’s will is painfully wrong.

Did I mention a lot of gifts and talents? O’ yeah. While some I misuse, the rest, I hid them. Or plainly, I let them somewhere in my life, laid unnoticeable, and soon enough forgotten. I only wanted to use the ones that look good in me. I only wanted to show off the things that make others respect me even more. Not that too glazing watch. I will be considered cheap and far from being classy. I chose asking other for time, instead of using that watch. I chose to hide what I have and envy others belongings.

This tangled mind shocked me. I might be really His daughter. I mean, by DNA. Through time, I can understand Him bit by bit. I can feel I am growing toward Him. I can feel how far I am from Him, how different my characters are from His. I can sense how one I am with Him.

By this last paragraph, I knew I chose to not hide His gifts anymore. Because I realized that writing is one of the gifts He gave me. And one day I know, He will smile that I chose not to let it laid on table, unnoticeable and forgotten. And I will smile, because I know that He will gift me even more.

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Written by vallaura

October 1, 2011 at 11:35 PM

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