Vallaura's Blog

"Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted."

Hugo

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“Listen to me! Please! Please! Listen to me! You don’t understand! You have to let me go! I don’t understand, why my father died! Why I’m alone! This is my only chance, to work. You should understand!”

126 minutes movie, and 15 seconds scene sum it up. That was it. That was the moment when you held you breath and sank into a truth that a good movie delivered. A moment where I can identify myself with the character. A moment  where I blended in. Indeed, what Hugo just said was something that we all wanted to shout out. That I wanted to shout out. I really do not understand. I don’t understand why my mum died. I don’t understand why I am alone. And so many “I don’t understand” that I want to shout out. Unfortunately, I am not sure whether I understand how I should “work”. I cannot confidently continue my “I don’t understand” sentences with Hugo’s “This is my only chance to work.” And that brings me a deep sigh. Those are questions answered only through death.

“Maybe that’s why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn’t able to do what it was meant to do… Maybe it’s the same with people. If you lose your purpose… it’s like you’re broken.”

If you lose your purpose… it’s like you’re broken.

I feel like I am broken. Well, actually, it is more than feeling broken. I have broken dreams. I have broken hope. I have broken friendship. I have broken heart. I have broken spirit. Don’t that sum up that I have a broken life? But strangely, I think I am not losing my purpose. I am doing it. I am working it. So, I am actually working, and not broken, according to Hugo. Am I really working my purpose? That is a question answered only through life.

“I’d imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn’t be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.”

I couldn’t be an extra part. And without me, this machine will not work its best performance. Guess, I want to be the main engine when I am supposed to be a nut or a bolt. It actually does not matter whether I am a cooper wire or a main tube. As long as I am doing my purpose, I am complete, I am perfect, I am working.

Now, let us with a spirit of hope that all sin were paid, continue sharpening our purpose and calling and diligently working on it until… until… until the owner shuts down the machine.

 

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Written by vallaura

April 6, 2012 at 8:28 PM

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