+44

Right after I sent it, I got a phone call. The country area number almost made my heart stopped. It was from a country where I dreamnt to live at. It was actually a call from my friend. As surprising as it was, I was very delighted. Ah! Thank you for your care and love for me.

*hug tight*

My Secret Identity

I am back in Jakarta last week. This is my first encounter with my laptop. If you are writing in life, you will miss writing your life. So, even though my writing materials are not ready, I just cannot hold these fingers from dancing on the keyboard.

I was about to leave my Indo apt (I named it by myself. It is actually an extension of a townhouse where they made several rooms to be rented and provide minimum facilities. Almost like a dorm, but they still have regular house for the owner nearby and it is located in an estate.) When one of the kids there asked her friend about me. She asked, “Who is that woman?” and the opponent answered, “She is Lenti. She is Christian.” (Lenti is my nickname) I overheard their small talk, and I wasn’t sure whether I should be worry or happy.

That was my first time to be identify with 2 sentences like that. The first sentence is just regular. But I never heard myself being identified as Christian. Nu-Uh, not in this country. I tried to think things that I’ve done to that girl or words I’ve said to her that made her stated that second statement. No luck on that. But interestingly, I came up with more identity of me. And here is the list. If you know me, please add more. Or, you can just try to make your own list. It will be fun! 😉

A daughter
A teacher
A Christian
A friend
A blogger
A newbie traveller
A student
An auntie
A church member

A ….

The longer the list the more you understand yourself. If there’s someone in this world that you need to understand, that person is definitely our selves. Enjoy getting to know yourself more!

life?

buhay. het leven. liv. vita. seikatsu. leben. saenghwal. vitae. shenghuo. vida. la vie. zoi. life. hidup…

or whatever your language says. It represents the 24hours that we have everyday until we are running out of it.

Never question God, but question us, ourselves, whether we are doing what we are supposed to do.

I am not interested in talking about my life, nor do you i supposed. But I am not keen enough to talk about someone else’s life as well. However, it it unavoidable for us not to see other people’s life since they are around us, near and far.

So, this friend of mine, is currently having a struggle that no one can see it coming. She is very beautiful and smart. She has her own class and very exclusive energetic young woman. And despite all facts that legalize her to be snob, she is not. Everybody will admit that she is also warm and friendly. A type whom everybody loves. So as we heard that she is struggling with a difficulty. we cannot but empathize with her.

At my very indifferent mood, I have the opportunity to hear her, sharing about her struggles. And wow, what a great heart inside that thin and soft human body. She reminded me that we cannot predict anything about life. Out of the blue, something happened to you and it changed your life drastically. You cannot prevent it, you cannot stop it, you cannot even predict that it will happen to you. Yet it happened. You don’t know why it happened to you. You don’t see it coming. You don’t really sure when exactly it hit you. Yet it hit you. Without a heart as great as her heart, I am sure anyone will collapse in a pond of despair and hopelessness.

Life.
You could never really know about it, couldn’t you? when are you going to have a twist, when are you going to be settled, when are you going to be tested. And in life, not like my aerobics classes, you don’t have options. or. you might never know that what you thing is an option, it is not.

I also have a twisted life. Some people who just knew me by month had already started to grade my life by scale 10. I don’t blame them. You just have to judge people, right? I mean, it’s a normal process in relationships and friendships. A friend and a boss of mine texted me, upon receiving a long email of sharing, “do what God wants you to do.” And that just sum up all. Either you are with religion or without. Or. either you are Christian or non-Christian, my friend suggested that you should follow the owner of your life. Hence your life will run as it supposed to be. In life, there are good things and there are bad things. I mean, there are good things and there are bad things. Accept that fact.

I am pondering in this fact, as i know yet un-acknowledge it. I mean, i know this fact for years, yet i don’t want to admit that it is a true fact. But as i observe my friend, it becomes crystal clear to me, that it is the fact. And i am sure, i need to really grasp this as January moves to February. As to second continues to moves even as i type this writing.

Well, friend. Be courages, just like my friend there. And be peace with life as it is.

The Good Friday!

I was invited, while some others weren’t.
I was warmly welcomed, while some others weren’t.

Good Friday is the moment that I always remember in my heart. While others are so excited welcoming the Good Friday, well… I don’t. (You are not gonna see very in rush status update on my Facebook account) This is simply because I always remember Good Friday in my heart each and every day.

Each and every day…when I pray at nights, when the tears roll down in my cheek, when the heart hurts, when the body shivers, when the throat sore…that is the time I remember that my Jesus loves me so much that He gave himself for me. And for a love that willing to die for someone like me, my consiousness awoke. I shouldn’t have to doubt anything. Shouldn’t have to worry anything. Shouldn’t have to be desperate in anything.

If I hve the courage, I would say: “Your blood runs in my vein dear Lord. Like it or not, my goals is to be like You. When You claim You are Love. Then it will also be my claim. When you are willing to die for people who love you. that will (hopefuly) be my claim as well.”

….yesterday, I met a bestfriend. While we talked, she said that I have becoming a mature young woman. (vica versa) And I agree with her. Really, we can see clearly how your hands work with my life. For that I cannot ask for refund of all the miseries I had been through. There’s a big sigh when we talked about this, Lord. We are seeking for Your devine wills in ourlives, me and my sister. We cried a lot, we went to this place and to other place. we sacrifice time and money, Lord…just to know how to live this life with Your fullness. Sometimes we were down, so low that even together, we cannot bring ourselves up. What we can do is to survive and keep on clinging on Your mighty hands until You, Yourself, brought us up. Sometimes we were up, so high, that we were unable to feel anyone else. So high that nobody matters to us. Lovingly, You brought us down…down to the place we should be. And Sometimes we were just here. Living the life plainly wih all the mediocre and stagnancy of lives. Yet, we still survive.

It is true…it’s Your love that never let us go. And for the rest of my live I want to (learn) to love you back.

“O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.”

What you can do with your singleness…

A couple of day before, I received an email from one of my girl best friends. She was in stress because she is longing to be with her Life Partner and build a family of her own.

Two days ago, I read a tweet posted by one of my girl friends, saying that she has a miserable life because nobody is missing her (romantically).

Yesterday, I got a short text message from my other girl best friend, telling me, in essence, she is dreaming to have a wealthy husband.

Being one of them, I cannot feel anything but the striving longing feeling of a life partner. However, I am currently melancholy in other way. For short, I am not really thinking about this at the moment. I mean, I think about it, but…thinking and worrying about it will never make me any better. You can be happy without being with someone. The key is contentment. Am I content with my life? No. I cried a lot. But, I always put this in my mind, hoping that someday, I can be content. So, for people like us, I just wanna share what I do on my singleness, that is, simply being single. (Check out my FB photos for the complete trip and story)

His Mind, Her Mind

His Mind, Her Mind (My version)

For those of you who don’t know me yet, I’ll let you know, I am twisted person, mostly with a twisted mind. In most parts, I let the mind wandering around until it meets its true identity and definition. Some actually find their rests. Some evaporate. Some turn into talks. This one is about the talk.

I was actually restless, in term of mind not physic, at that time when an invisible person showed up. He’s a man of manner that he greeted me before he started to talk (or write). So, along our talks, I tried to weigh my trust to him, and scale how valuable his opinion is that I might consider his thought to give some definition to my mind. While thinking, he popped out a quite personal question. And for a man who dares to ask me how many serious relationship I ever had, I think he deserves some writing..well, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words… 🙂

The question is simple. Is it really true that when a man decided to be friend with a woman. He will never see this woman differently, as a lover, for example? For his additional information, I explained to him that I had this friend of mine talked with a guy that I used to love (or like?). He said that whenever he sees this woman as a friend. Then, it will stay that way for the rest of the journey. The friendship will never change into relationship. Radically, if you fell in love your male best friend, in essence he said that you betrayed that friendship. Is it true, hey guys?

To my surprise, this friend that I was chatting with encountered my idea. He said defensively (if I may say). Didn’t girls do that? Didn’t all girls who are being friends with men, will never consider their male friends in a romantic relationship? Well… that shut my mouth up. I never prepare myself for this kinda response. So, plainly, I asked: Really? Did we, girls, do that? Enthusiastically, he shared (maybe out of his personal experience, eh? ;p), yes, whenever a girl is being friend with a male friend, and this male friend tells her that he loves or likes her, the girl will say that she has no intention whatsoever in having relationship more than being friends to each other. Ouch, I typed. I sure hope that words didn’t come out of personal experiences. hehe… Unable to explain, out of lack in experiences, I tried to distract him by asking other question. Clever me, eh?

Then I asked. Won’t you consider it as a betrayal of friendship? You know, being in love with your own best friend? And he answered. Wouldn’t be easier that way? A man will be much happier if she’s his best friend. In a local idiom, we called it as “Sambil menyelam minum air” or in English…errr… (anyone can help me on this?) Then he continued, well, as long as he likes or loves her of course. But if he didn’t. He will only say, what you said earlier, that he doesn’t have any intention whatsoever in having relationship more that friends. Addressing it as a betrayal of relationship is too much. You are exaggerating it.

Okay, so the score is 1-1. One for saying it No. The other one for saying it Yes. And this talk is not getting my mind calmer, instead it makes my mind goes wilder. And I guessed, I had successfully made him confused. If he can get confused (but I know you are not confused). So we ended our talk with a simple statement which we weren’t sure whether it’s the answer or the pause. That is, whether you are his friend, his stranger, or his neighbor…those things aren’t counted. What counted is whether he likes or loves you or not. Simple.

Hmmffthh…so much for a long talk. Well, do any of you want to change the score? Share your thoughts, and enrich us please… 🙂